Can't talk in Kolkatta

I lost my voice last night . No , not in a romantic sort of way , as in , oogled at some pretty young things and when someone returned my glaze , I lost my voice . No, it was a real loss . My throat turned on the heat with an amazing surge of irritation , I was gasping for words as a part of my usual un-baritonish request asking for warm milk to go with my cornflakes to the orange-uniformed waiter at the Park when all that came out was a husky , zero decibel , flat “ Can I have some warm milk , please ? “
Disbelief at my own voice , I repeated the line again .
Similar effect .
Animatedly , I explained , pointing to the bowl of cornflakes .
“ Hot milk “ .
He smiled . His silver , polished name plate pinned to his pocket said ‘Peter’ . Peter was either embarrassed or he found it amusing that a huge 200 pound smartly dressed executive should have a voice like a 100 pound serial killer uttering parting notes to his victim .
I let Peter be .

Have just finished day two of the training thankfully , so my loss of voice doesn’t impact the lives & careers of these bunch of radio sales guys in Kolkatta .
And it can only happen in Kolkatta .

I sms’ed my sales manager to organize a doc . ENT specialist .The best , I said . Want to get rid of this today so I can show Peter my true vocal-identity .

Soumen Roy , son of one of Kolkatta’ s established bureaucratic family and my sales manager whose career can just take a great upswing if my throat clears , organized the best . Wockhardt clinics , in the lane under the flyover on the other side of Camac street . Owned by Leander Paes’s father .

We walked in to meet Dr. Chatterjee at the hospital . There were three women at a series of desks who looked at us in amazement . It seemed that Dr.Chaterjee didn’t see patients so early in the morning and I was the exception . Soumen Roy had got his dad to call Doc up and he was returning some old favour .
His secretary was a typical short Bengali women . The tighness of her clothes amazed me . I mean , how does one get into such a dress ? Body hugging clothes look good on a full , well endowed women . But this was a skinny girl in the late twenties without much of bust or bums . And the dress made her look strange . Different . Funny .
Dr. Chatterjee was a smartly dressed , suited & booted guy . Must say , they treat patients differently in Kolkatta . I mean Docs in Mumbai are curt and stick to the point . No humour , Deadpan professionals , they get rid of you in minutes . Here , there’s a lot of leisure in the method . There are pauses , theorizing and detailed explanations of the ailment . And dashes of humor .
“ So , you lost your voice ‘
‘Yup ‘
‘Since when ‘
‘Last night ‘
‘You are from Kolkatta ?
‘Nope , Mumbai ‘
‘Travel a lot ?‘
‘Lot ‘
‘Smoke ?’
‘No’
‘Drink ?’
‘No’
‘Tobacco ?’
‘No’
‘Come this side .. Open .. Say Aah !’
‘Aaah’
‘Stick you toungue ..Say Aah !’
‘Aaah’
‘How old are you ?’
’37 ‘
‘Acidity ?’
‘Nope’
‘Blood pressure ?’
‘Nope’
‘Any other ailments ?’
Nope ‘
‘Sleep Well ?’
‘Yup ‘
‘Had something cold ?’
‘Nope’
‘Had something very hot ?’
‘Nope’
‘Past instances of such a thing ?’
‘Nope , just a little stray cough some days back ‘
‘Any irritation while swallowing ‘
‘Nope’
‘Oily food ?’
‘Nope’


Dr. Chatterjee looked at me intensely and smiled .
‘ Bloody hell . If you don’t smoke , drink , chew tobacco and have no ailments , yet have a throat infection , you might as well do all of those & enjoy life ! Whatsay ?’
I smiled .
‘ In jail without committing a crime !’
I smiled again .
‘ You have acute laryngsitis and it is in the danger of becoming chronic .The inflammation has surrounded one side of your larynx . ‘
I pulled in my lips and attempted a smile .
He drew out what was probably my larynx and pointed the pen to the left side .
’ …if this persists , it can become chronic ‘
‘ Only one prescription – don’t talk for 7 days ‘
I opened my eyes wide !
‘Yeah , no talking , no gargling , no coughing , no stressing your larynx ‘
‘Awright, Doc ‘

He pulled out a longish sheet with a heavy masthead . Lots of specialists with lots of specializations covered up the top half of the hospital’s letter head .
And I witnessed for the first time in my life a doctor with brilliant calligraphy . With lavish strokes , he wrote out the diagnosis and the prescription .
I thanked him and left .

Hit work at 1130am .
Not bad since , as they say communistic , socialistic , poor , outpost Kolkatta with no resident middle-class gets to work at 1100 am even though the sun rises here at 0445 , an hour before Mumbai .